


Pass Like The Weather

by Cjcorrigan



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Child Abuse, Christmas, Christmas Presents, Drug Use, Eating Disorders, Gangs, Holidays, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Multi, Past Drug Use, Past Rape/Non-con, Strippers & Strip Clubs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-13
Updated: 2017-06-13
Packaged: 2018-11-13 20:10:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11192538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cjcorrigan/pseuds/Cjcorrigan
Summary: Then and now, the Foxes think of Christmas's past, and how far they've come.Submitted work to the AFTG Heathens Greetings Charity Zine





	Pass Like The Weather

Kevin hadn't celebrated Christmas since his mother had died. Such frivolous pursuits were considered distractions from exy, the most important thing, and thus were considered unacceptable under the watchful eye of Tetsuji and the Ravens. He hid a picture of him, age 5, with Kayleigh Day under his pillow. That had been the year that they got eight inches of snow, and in the picture, the two of them were making snow angels. Kayleigh was smiling at him with the kind of compassion that only exists when a mother truly believes that her son is the most precious gift in the entire world. As the clock stuck midnight to signal that it was Christmas, he silently wished his mother’s smiling, forever frozen face a Merry Christmas wherever she was now.

Nathaniel had never celebrated Christmas or any winter holiday for that matter. Traditions based on giving gifts seemed silly when your survival depended on how well you could live out of a single duffel bag. Even so, once when he was still too young, too naïve, he’d snagged a bauble from a gas station. It was a small snow globe with the New York City skyline inside. After he thought Mary was asleep that night, he risked pulling it out to take a look. The glitter inside was so beautiful, and the scene seemed so peaceful that he wished he could live inside. The next thing he knew, it was ripped from his hands, and smashed against the hotel floor. Mary hit him on the side of the head and grabbed his chin to make sure he looked her in the eye when she told him that he would never do something so stupid again.

Andrew celebrated Christmas for the first time when he came to live with Cass. She had given him warm, flannel pajamas to wear and they made Christmas cookies together, even though he’d never believed in the man they were supposed to be left out for. She asked for his help decorating the tree and surprised him with an ornament with his name and the year on it. “To remember your first Christmas as a part of our family," she'd said. Drake came home the next day to spend the holiday with his family. Andrew had never seen anyone as happy as Cass was when Drake walked through the door December 23rd, but that same night Andrew learned to hate Christmas all over again. His hope and happiness was crushed as easily as that ornament.

Aaron resented the holiday season. It was a time when classmates bragged about all the presents they would get and they made cards for their friends and loved ones. He wrote one to his mother. He ran home to give it to her, and found her passed out wasted on the sofa. He tried to wake her up, and received a heavy slap across his face for his troubles. That was the first time he got drunk, having stolen several swigs from her bottle of Christmas schnapps. He felt so sick that he wanted to die, and so terribly faint that he thought he just might die anyways. Still, he didn’t feel the stinging imprint of his mother’s hand on his cheek or the shame of knowing that she would never love him the way the other kids’ mothers did.

For Nicky, Christmas meant getting dressed up in his Sunday best, and spending all night and day in church listening to Luther instruct his loyal flock on how to have a righteous Christmas. Remember that this holiday isn’t about material items, but to serve as a reminder of a loving God and his son who died for our sins. Sins of greed, lying, gluttony, and pride. But of course, there are some stains which even divine love cannot wash clean. Low, for non-believers, heretics, and sexual deviants, the flames of damnation wait.

Dan spent all her Christmases wrapped in a red corset trimmed in white fur, red fishnets, and black 10 inch platform heels. She didn’t have the money to celebrate at home, but her stage sisters had a small Secret Santa exchange with a $5 limit. Trixie had gotten her some new body glitter that smelled and tasted like strawberries, and Dan had gotten Jasmine a new pair of patterned stockings to replace the ones that were ripped by a handsy customer two weeks before. They spent the night dancing for all the lonely-hearts with no one to curl up with in front of the fire, sweet-talked them for tips, and rubbed each other’s swollen feet afterwards.

Renee was late back from a run, and judging by the lock on the warehouse base’s door, it was safe to assume that the gang leader was anything but pleased. She’d seen other recruits get this punishment, but never thought she’d be slow enough to get it herself. Lock the stragglers out on a particularly cold night. They’ll live, probably, even if they feel like they won’t, and because they feel like they won’t, they’ll never make the same mistake twice. It was snowing, at most in the mid-20s temperature-wise. She shivered as she wandered the streets, hugging herself for warmth. Then she heard the singing, soft and tender, spoken in words she didn’t know, she followed it to a lit church that looked tantalizingly warm. She shouldn’t, she thought, but she was so, so cold, and with nothing but a thin jacket between her and the wind. “Heavens preserve us, you must be freezing, dear.” The voice startled her, but it belonged to a cheery-looking nun, hand outstretched. “Do come inside, no one should be on the streets tonight.”

Matt spent Christmas in a hospital bed. He woke up with his mother crying beside him, his father pretending he wouldn’t rather be off with his latest squeeze, and an IV sticking out of his arm. They’d found him passed out asphyxiating in a puddle of his own vomit. The last thing he remembered before that was rocking back and forth, huddled on the floor of the bathroom. He’d shot up in secret on Christmas Eve. Spending time in this broken, awful family where nobody spoke and everyone lied behind smiles, was too much and he needed a fix. He’d slip in, shoot up, and slip out. No one would ever know. Or they wouldn’t have if the drugs hadn’t been laced. He couldn’t stand seeing his mother cry, couldn’t stand being the reason she was crying even less.

For Allison, Christmas was a soiree with the richest, most odious bastards in town, also known as her parents 150 closest friends. Allison looks just stunning in that dress, Mrs. Reynolds. God, you look amazing, what diet have you been on? Such a lovely girl you have, Mr. Reynolds, but she’d be prettier if she smiled more. So she smiled, and shut up, and looked pretty. Like a perfect porcelain doll. She hated this. She hated the itchy skin-tight dress, and the way she was talked about like property, and never allowed to speak for herself, and how these people couldn’t even spare a fucking dime for someone who actually needed it when they wore multi-million dollar gowns. They were all just stuffing their faces with caviar and crème brulee and every stupid fucking French delicacy you could name, while they laughed at people that were starving every day. She was starving, and she knew she shouldn’t eat, but she did, and she cried until her mascara ran down her face as she threw it all up. No one cared, no one ever cared as long as it was behind a locked bathroom door.

Neil had been excited for his first Christmas in his and Andrew’s new apartment. It felt like a new chapter was beginning, when he wasn’t hunted and he wasn’t running. In fact, at the moment he was very immobile. Halfway through his first season as a pro, he’d gotten a broken foot. Figured. He would definitely still be able to play exy, but he was officially unable to play until spring. For the time being, he just had to rest on crutches and content himself with marathoning the stop-motion clay Christmas movies which Matt had taken personal offense to him not seeing them before.

The only thing missing was Andrew, who had been called away by his agent for some career-changing interview in LA, four timezones and thousands of miles away. At least he had Sir Fat Cat and King Fluffkins to keep him company, even if he was a little lonely.

But then like the universe was delivering on an unspoken promise the doorbell distracted him from cereal and Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. Neil shooed away a cat and hoisted himself on his crutches to get the door, only to find his family was there.

“Surprise!” Nicky shouted at Neil, whose expression looked something like a shocked goldfish.

“Merry Christmas, loser, now are you gonna let us in or what?” Allison asked with a fond smirk.

Neil, still not really believing his eyes, wobbled over to one side to let them in and finally found his voice, “Not that I’m not ecstatic to see you guys, because you all know you’re my family, but what are you doing here?”

“We heard Andrew couldn’t be here, and thought you might like some company for a few hours,” Dan said, shrugging off her coat to reveal her six months pregnant baby bump. “It was Matt’s idea.”

Neil couldn’t help the grin that spread across his face. It felt amazing to have everyone there, since he hadn’t seen them all in one place since Erik and Nicky got married. Well, not everyone. Still, Nicky was in the U.S. for once, since he and Erik had come over to spend time with the twins and their families, and it’d been a while since they’d had any communication other than texts. Renee had just gotten back from her first tour with the Peace Corps less than a month ago, and as always she was radiating warmth and happiness as she looked at the angel on top of his and Andrew’s Christmas tree. And Dan and Matt were having a _baby_. Neil’s _godson_. Even Aaron, who had brought Katelyn, now Mrs. Katelyn Minyard, along, was somehow affected by the infectious good mood that they were all in. Kevin, of course, had a lot to chime in with about Neil’s injury and what it meant for his practice regimen (“Shut up about exy for once, it’s Christmas!”), but even he had taken off of time in the pro leagues to fly in and spend Christmas with his father and Abby. All in all they were having a good time, until…

“What the fuck are all of you sorry asses doing in my house?”

Neil’s head whipped around, and he was amazed at how his heart still fluttered when Andrew entered a room. Andrew was in the doorway, duffel bag over one shoulder, and luggage in his opposite hand.

“Andrew, I thought you weren’t going to be home until the 28th,” Nicky said, finding his feet first after having had over a decade of practice in caring for Minyards.

Andrew was silent, and met his cousin with a blank stare, but right now Neil didn’t care why he was back, all that mattered was that he was.

 

A while later after all the foxes had all said their goodbyes, Andrew and Neil were finally alone.

“So, why did you come back early?” Neil asked, propping his broken foot up on Andrew’s lap.

Andrew scowled down at Neil’s foot as if he was ready to take out whatever irritation he had at Neil on the one appendage. “Don’t be stupid.”

“You’re the one who always says I’m oblivious, so I’m gonna need some clarification.”

“You’ve been excited to spend Christmas together since before Halloween,” Andrew said.

“That’s why you’re back?” Neil asked, but he didn’t need an answer. Besides, he knew Andrew probably wouldn’t give one anyways, so he changed the subject. “Come on, let’s open the presents. This one first,” he instructed, shoving a box at Andrew.

Andrew gave Neil a cool look, but did as he was told, and once he saw what was inside, he went still. It was an ornament, the second ornament he’d ever received as a gift. It wasn’t like the other one, which was a glass, red ball with gold lettering, though. This one was a small picture frame with exy racquets for decoration. In the frame there was a picture that had been taken of the two of them by Allison. She had snuck a photo at Dan and Matt’s wedding of Neil kissing Andrew’s cheek, and it remained Neil’s favorite photo to date. Andrew looked at it for a moment with what could almost be considered fondness before saying, “Exy racquets, junkie?”

Neil laughed, “Exy brought us together, okay? It was fitting.” He was met only with a box shoved his way by the other man.

This time it was Neil’s turn to be surprised. Inside the box was a snow globe, different from the one he had stolen over 15 years before, but just as beautiful. Instead of the New York City skyline, inside was a miniature version of The Foxhole Court. “Who’s the junkie now?”

“I unlike some inconsiderate animals I could mention know to buy for the person I give the present to, not myself. Besides you’re so easily distracted by glitter it hardly matters what the rest is.”

Neil laughed, and kissed Andrew gently, once, twice, and pulled away. “I love it.” _I love you._

Andrew rolled his eyes. _I love you, too._

How strange it was for the both of them to love and be loved in return, with no pain. Less than a decade ago, Neil Josten was convinced that he wouldn’t live to find someone who loved him, and less than a decade ago, Andrew Minyard didn’t believe in love. Back then, Kevin Day told himself that love was a distraction, and Nicky Hemmick was told that his love was evil. Aaron told himself that he was impossible to love. Allison was made to believe that love was the look of pride on her mother’s face when the zipper closed on her gala dress, and Matt found love in a syringe instead of with his parents. Dan made false love to audiences dying to feel the real thing, and Renee had only love to hold onto when life was unlivable.

However, the ties that bind work in mysterious ways and love is formed where it is previously thought unimaginable, and somehow, it got better.

**Author's Note:**

> The winter holiday season is the time of the year with the highest frequency of suicide. Additionally, people who identify as part of the LGBTQIA community are more than 4 times as likely to commit suicide. If you or a loved one feel alone, unloved, unwanted, or hopeless this year, please reach out for support. Call 1-800-273-TALK (8255) to be connected with the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline or if you identify as a member of the LGBTQIA community, call 1-866-4-U-TREVOR (866-488-7386) to be connected with the Trevor Project for LGBT+ specific help.


End file.
